Church day

I went to a new church this morning and really enjoyed it.I feel that if I don't get the spiritual support that I so desperatly need at this time in my life then I won't be able to make it through this ordeal with my sanity in tact.

Our screwed up system

We have such a screwed up system thats it's not even funny.My daughter is being treated like a dog and nothing is being done about it.Her father and step-mother found out she put a tattoo on her ankle and decided that she was a whore so they won't let her out of her room and are feeding her under the door like some crazed animal.CPS was called and informed about the treatment she is getting and came out lastnight to investigate.Her father told them a bunch of lies so now they are ordering her to go to a psych.She feels so helpless and is thinking of overdosing on anything she can get her hands on.I wish so badly I could just go take her out of the situation but I have no legal rights to her.She is still playing games with me but I feel if I cut her off that she will actually do something to herself and will never get the help she desperatly needs.She wants to come live with me but her father is making it impossible for that to happen.He keeps telling her and CPS that he is gonna put me back in prison for non-payment of back child support.I don't think he can since he terminated all my rights back in 2002.If anyone knows anything different on the laws in Texas,please give me some input.I'm soooo worried about her and want to do everything I can to get her out of the situation that she is in.

Helpless

Well today was not a great day at all.It all started with an email on myspace from my daughter stating that her step-mother slapped her 8 times and called her vulgar names.She also said that her dad is now feeding her through the bottom of the door,and not letting her have any of her things such as radio,tv,money she works for,etc..I then get a call from one of her friends telling me that she(the friend) has called CPS on Tori's dad and step-mom for the abuse that she is seeing on her.CPS calls the friend back to ask if she knew how to get in touch with Tori's biological mother(me).Turns out that my kids may be yanked out of their home and placed in foster care by the end of the week.CPS told the friend that even though my rights have been terminated that they can re-review me and I may be eligible to get them back.I'm soooo scared that this is gonna turn out the same way it did 9 yrs ago and my kids will still be in the environment their in or worse.My mind is racing so badly.My daughter wants to come live with me,however my boys want nothing to do with me since they have been fed so many lies about me and that i don't want nor love them.I want my kids more than anything in the world and I'm praying that this is Gods way of giving me that second chance with them.Dear Lord,I'm sooo scared and need guidence.My daughter is terrified of her father since as soon as he hears the message on their machine he will know it was done because of her and the way she is treated.If you have any advice or thoughts,please give them to me.

She's driving me mad!!!

Well Tori got back in town from Mississippi and pulling her same old stuff.She stole beer and some other things while her dad was sleeping.She was with another boy and almost went to jail over him.I don't know what to do with her cause one minute she wants me to be her mom and the next she doesn't.She pulled this," you we're never there crap on me today and just wants me as a friend".She also came home with this kids name tattooed on her.God,she's only 12 yrs old and acting like an adult.I want so badly to just go get her and beat her butt,but i can't.She's pulling my heart apart and I almost want to stop the conversation with her,but I also want her in my life forever.Lord,what do I do?Please give me some guidence in this matter.I love my daughter very much and want the best for her.She isn't getting it where she is currently at and I don't want to do anything to make her hate me.I just want her out of that environment and safe where she will feel loved and wanted.Tori is such a beautiful little girl and she feels like she has to use her body to be loved.Why Lord?I know I'm not suppose to ask ,but I'm so confused as to why this is happening to my little girl.Please give me some answers.She's smoking drugs she doesn't even know what they are and being so reckless with her life.

Vacation over

Today my fiance' went back to work.We did a lot around the house this week,but still have lots more to do.I really enjoyed having him home at night with me and spending some quality time together.He is such a wonderful man.He ended up getting sick from me and once he was better I got a second round of it.Yuck!!!He refused to let me do anything around the house.He did the laundry,cooked,and took care of the kids(dogs).His father moved in with us this past week and thats been a real test for me and Mike.It seems to be working out okay for now.Well that's all for today.Till next time......

Sick

Well it's Sun. and I have been sick for 3 days now.Sux...I haven't felt like doing much of anything not even watching t.v.I'm patiently waiting for my daughter to get back in town so I can find out how she is doing and how the trip was.My fiance' is on vacation this week and we are doing some repairs on the house we are trying to buy.I never realized just how much work it is to buy a home..

My crazy friend

This is my crazy friend.I'm new to the computer world and she loves laughing at me when I have to call or text her with questions on how to do something.I love her so much.She means the world to me.

My son

This is my youngest son,Chance.God has really blessed me with him.I lost him at birth,but the adoptive family contacted me when he was 2yrs old.I now have a wonderful relationship with him.I wished other mothers who lost thier children could be as blessed as I am.

My Daughter

I just receantly found my daughter after 9yrs.I really don't know what to do,she is only 12yrs old and I found out that she just got out of juvinile after being there for 2mths.She went for running away from her dad's.I also found out that she cuts on herself and may be pregnant.I'm about to lose my mind.I don't have any legal rights to her nor any of my other children.My oldest son wrote me on myspace and cussed me out ro
yally.He wants nothing to do with me and won't even give me the opportunity to give my side of the story.My kids think I left them and don't love them,which is not true.Their crazy father has filled their heads full of so much crap and I'm afraid that I will never be able to see my boys.This is killing me inside!